The Epstein Problem

At one point, I was an Epstein conspiracy guy. Now I'm not. What flipped me? I read some of the Maxwell files. Since that was too much to read, I spent a week writing a tool (source on github) that let me browse the 30K pages in September by keyword. Got through about 3,800 of them. They were boring AF, lawyers get paid by the hour. So here's what I found out; why I'm now "Epstein is a political nothing burger". The Truth shall set you free.

Don't get me wrong, Epstein was undeniably a creep: a convicted sex offender who groomed and abused underage girls, trafficking them for his own gratification and that of enablers like Maxwell. But politically? It's shaping up as a nothing burger. The long-awaited files (still trickling out, heavily redacted) reveal sleazy connections and name-drops, but no bombshell client list, no elite blackmail videos in play, and no smoking gun tying major politicians to crimes beyond what we already knew. The real scandal is the abuse itself and why the system let it fester so long, not a vast intel op.

The Hammer Myth

There's this myth that all men are hammers, and we're just looking for a nail to take to Pound Town.

Yeah, that's true when our blood is up, but men need foreplay too, and men want connection too. Even prostitutes will talk about their "regulars", and so do OnlyFans girls. Men pay for the connection, not just the sex. They want the Girlfriend Experience as its called. If you go to a strip club, the ones that make the most money are the ones that pretend they like you for an hour.

Sorry to shatter your illusions. Men aren't hammers.

But because there's this myth in our society, I just don't believe that Epstein went around sharing the details of his fake-sex life.

Epstein was impotent

I know, I know, you have this vision in your head of Epstein raping young girls and coercing them into sex. But the Maxwell files tell a different story. Of the 4 witnesses at trial, only Carolyn described any penis-vagina intercourse with him (one instance she stopped when uncomfortable). (She was one of the ones that went on to recruit other girls...). Not outing her, she died in 2023.

So the prosecution talks about "sexualized massage".

I don't think Jeffrey ever went around to his fancy friends and said: "Guess what guys? I can't get it up enough to masterbate unless there's a teenage girl giving me a massage, and without Ghillane to coach her, and then I have to use a vibrator..."

Super Secret Intelligence Ops not Required

The other part of the Epstein story is that he was some kind of secret spy. The problem with that is spies aren't Tom Cruise on a bungee cord. It seems like a fit, because HUMINT is often about finding pedophiles in a target country (7% according to that Countdown movie), and pimping children to them, then blackmailing them. But Epstein was dirty in some fairly obvious ways.

Most obviously, Epstein had an offshore money laundering business or five run out of Bear Stearns before they went under during the subprime mortgage debacle. JP Morgan was forced to buy them, which is why Chase ended up paying the victims. He also owned an offshore bank in the Virgin Islands, and was buddies with the President of the Virgin Islands, and buddies with their US Rep. Finally, he had power of attorney on Wexler's money. And he was buddies with the Saudi Contra pipeline guy.

So for the CIA, he was one-stop shopping. You need the Contras funded this week but don't have the votes? Jeffrey's got you covered, he'll just charge you a vig and you can pay him off later by running the money through the National Endowment for "Democracy".

Acosta!

Sure. Someone dropped by Acosta's office and said "hey, go light on Jeffrey, he's one of ours". Who we don't know, but Congress does, because he testified. There's a 300 page document in the Maxwell files that basically said that, and then said Acosta shouldn't have done that. Or maybe, the public transcript of his closed door testimony has him denying that happened, he just didn't think he could get a conviction.

But of course a nod is as good as a wink... Say no more guvnor, say no more!

You think the Intelligence guys write memos when they do a "get out of jail free" card for someone? Nope. That's not even "tradecraft". When I do crimes, I don't write down the plot.

But the plane!

Epstein's whole schtick was being a fancy person who went to parties with other fancy people where he was charming and projected an aura of wealth. Fancy people own planes, they generally have to pay for the plane whether its being used or not. So they think nothing about loaning them out; the same you or I might loan someone a car, we're already making the payments. Then maybe those fancy people would give him money to launder offshore.

So fancy people rode on his planes. He was so fancy, he had 2, a small one he used for domestic flights, and a large one to fly to his Island. Yes, Trump rode on the small one, but between airports, and with his wife. Yes, Kevin Spacey rode on the big one, but with a bunch of other people as part of a Charity trip to Africa. Kevin Spacey is gay anyways.

Videos!

Meh. Fancy people have security, security people have hidden camera finders. You can get a hidden camera finder on Amazon, it sprays infrared light all over the room and picks up even pinhole cameras. It's like $40. You think the fancy people's security didn't have those? Only takes getting busted once before you get kicked out of fancy society.

Yes, Bondi said. But you know who has the largest kiddie porn collection the world? The FBI. Because they have evidence, and what happens in the FBI is that when they bust someone for child porn, they store that in a database, and they track that. Did Epstein have "original" porn, or did he just download some?

Besides, impotent. I think Bondi just got over her skis until one of the old DOJ hands educated her and gave her a report showing there wasn't any original porn.

2007 is the magic year for finding assholes

Prior to 2007, no one knew. After 2007, everyone knew, so all his fancy friends ghosted him. This is pretty well confirmed; time machines aren't a thing. However, "he who has the gold makes the rules". He still had a checkbook, and he would make political donations. He also really hated Trump because he was convinced it was DJT who sicced the Miami PD on him. Nope, that was one of the dads, Jeffrey; he called Miami PD and asked why his daughter had a bunch of money...

Trump did ban him from Mar-a-Lago, both for trying to recruit a member's daughter (teen harassment at the pool, father complained), and trying to recruit/poach members of his spa staff (young workers pressured or hired away, including Giuffre).

And of course fundraisers are in the files, because that's how that works. You don't call up the slimebuckets yourself, you have a slimebucket on staff...

So look for fancy folks after 2007.

Trump is in the Epstein Files!

So is Clinton. In fact, Clinton is in there 6 more times than "rape". But if you actually read the references, it's all empty threats by Maxwell and Epstein to the victims because "Jeffrey is friends with Bill". Trump is in the files mostly because "owner of Mar-A-Lago". He was in the new drop because Epstein as part of his TDS collated a spreadsheet of every property Trump owned, which being the Donald, all have his name on it.

Why haven't the files all been released?

Volume, and they don't have me working for them. By law, the DOJ has to redact all the victims names, and the unrelated folks. They did an initial release, and made the assumption that they could rely on the previously redacted files, but that turned out not to be true. So they released them, someone found the names under the redaction, and they had to yank them back.

Speculation is that the Epstein files are 4M pages, that's plausible, they dumped 2.7M pages on Maxwell. Simple math: 5s/page, that's 694 person days of skimming.

The solution would be to use AI and some programs to auto-redact, and write another program to make sure the redaction works. But you'd have to disclose the list of names and terms you want to redact to the person writing the code, which means they'd have to be a DOJ lawyer, and DOJ lawyers aren't known for being programmers AFAIK.

The automation is an interesting problem, so if the DOJ wants I'm willing to work on it for free (and an X follow), I could work out of the Eugene Fed office...

Congress could solve this by adjusting the law to hold harmless the DOJ if they make mistakes in the redaction, but that would me they'd have to have a brain, and there's no evidence of that...

Wrapping up

Yes, the abuse was serious and predatory; no, it doesn't prove a deep-state blackmail empire. Questions, comments? It's X, let me have 'em.